Sarah Rose Lochelt

Conversation, Connection & Coffee

growing in little ways.

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My last post was on my 29th birthday and it was a list of 10 things I couldn’t live without at that point.

So, in this – NOW 30 – season, here are some little ways of growing and thriving that I’m loving! 🙂

 

First off, I’m on day six of being sick, so here are my 3 SICK DAY Must-Haves:

1) Trader Joe’s Honey Lemon cough drops are only $1 and delightful. They are helping me survive this cough!

2) Cool Touch Kleenex are magical. They feel COLD and I don’t understand it but I have a box in my car and one next to my bed right now.

3) Stumbled on this Netflix comedy special that I laughed SO HARD at. I’ve never heard of Iliza Shlesinger, but her “Elder Millenial” had me worried I’d pee my pants. Seriously, watch the trailer.

 

I was on vacation last week, and got to read and listen to some FASCINATING things! Here are the top 3: 

  

1) TED Radio Hour show on The 5 Senses – this is the first of the TED radio hour shows I’ve listened to, but as soon as it was done, I downloaded a whole slew of other ones. It’s great! And this one about our senses was so fascinating, I learned so much from just tastes of 3 or 4 different TED talks that they introduce you to. Worth it just to hear the story of an astrophysicist who goes blind and decides to transcribe graph values as musical tones so that they can be studied by ear, since they no longer can be by sight. Amazing.

2) This Article about The Dark Knight on Relevant – basically support for why this is my favorite movie. And it’s written by Josh Pease, who is the best.

3) The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat by Oliver Sacks – I’ve had this book on my list for years, but I snagged a copy at Powell’s in Portland, and read it at every coffee shop and brewery I visited on vacation. Such an interesting collection of cases that he saw as a therapist, and the many ways that our psychology can go off the rails.

 

I’m all about building good habits in this season, and these 3 APPS have been a blessing: 

 

1) If you’ve been around me recently, I’ve been little-miss-let-me-check-that-off-my-habit-building-app, and it’s such a good motivator! Plus, this one, called Done, is also beautiful and easy to set up. It’s helped me get down to one caffeinated drink per day, taking my vitamins daily, and remembering the practices that make my life better.

2) I’ve also been trying my feet at running this season, and I could never have gotten started without the Nike Run Club app. It has coached, guided runs, and they have every length and tempo you could want. It’s like having a coach without having to give up exercising alone – literally perfect! 🙂

3) Penzu – this was my way to upgrade from my “notes” app on my phone and computer, and help keep track of my writing a little better.

 

Finally, I’ve been trying to write more, so here are 3 things I’ve WRITTEN recently:

1) “So Far to Go: why minute 2, mile 2, and month 2 feel the longest” over at Medium.

2) “Make Peace, Don’t Just Keep It” over at She Rises.

3) “Women of the Bible: Deborah” also at SheRises. 

 

Until next time!

S

29 and feeling fine

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Y’all, I’m 29!

This last year has been the most difficult one I’ve had so far, but it has had some of the highlights, too. I’m learning about the bittersweetness of life of being present to that instead of trying to reconcile everything or figure it all out.

If you’ve never read “Carry On, Warrior”, you at least need to read this hilarious excerpt when Glennon canceled her birthday. It’s a rough ride when we have to face the realization that we aren’t special little snowflakes who the world revolves around on our birthdays! I totally get that this year! 🙂 So funny.

I have lots of reflecting to do and I’m excited about the things God has been stirring up and what that will bring about in this new year for me.

Until then, let me offer you my completely unsolicited recommendations. Also known as, the things I annoyingly bring up in conversation all the time. Or, Sarah’s top 10 things she can’t live without….

THIS CHAPSTICK – Nivea Kiss Of Care & Color in Berry – it’s perfect and pretty and minty.

THIS APP – Overdrive App – y’all, two words – FREE AUDIOBOOKS.

THIS PODCAST – Happy Hour with Jamie Ivey  – all the laughing.

THIS WINE – Sara Bee Moscato – tastes like honey.

THIS DINNER – Hatch Chile Mac & Cheese – could eat this every meal forever.

THIS SNACK – Trader Joe’s Giant Peruvian Inca Corn – #sorrynotsorry for the LOUD snacking.

THIS HAIR PRODUCT – Herbal Essences Tousle Me Softly Mousse – the only hair styling product I use, and it costs like $3 at Target.

THIS SHAMPOO/CONDITIONER – DevaCurl One Condition No-Poo Decadence – this is the crazy stuff I’ve been talking about as a replacement for shampoo and conditioner for curly hair. so weird and SO great.

THIS COZINESS – Rose Quartz Duvet Cover – got this as a gift, and what a soft, beautiful gift it is to my cozy bedroom!

THIS QUICHE RECIPE – 4 eggs to each 1 cup of milk plus pie crust and some kind of shredded cheese and whatever else you want to put in it – spinach, garlic, bacon, onion, artichoke hearts, jalapenos, whatever! 350 degrees for 45 minutes or until browned and cooked through. You guys, this is so delicious, you can eat it for any meal, it feels fancy, and I swear, it’s impossible to mess up!

THIS TREAT-YO-SELF – $1.49 daffodils at Trader Joe’s. Enough said.

Here’s to 29!

Fruit of the Spirit – LOVE

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I’ve been so thankful to my delightful friends – Christine, Ashley, April, Lisa, and Emmy, who contributed their beautiful, strong, honest voices to these pages and brought more wisdom than I ever could.

I knew this one was coming, the last post of the series. I’ve tried to come up with someone else to take this last post off my shoulders, but I knew God wouldn’t let me get out of it that easily. I have not been in the mood to write about love. At all.

But anyways, here it goes.

Love.

As I’ve read the past posts on the other fruit of the spirit – Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self-Control – I couldn’t help but notice that Love is inseparable from ANY of these ideas.

The presence of love in our lives, within us, and coming from God, who doesn’t mess around when it comes to loving fully and wholly, perpetuates these fruits we’ve been talking about. Love brings about joy and peace, patience and kindness, goodness and faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

Love is the underlying truth, it is the foundation, the beginning and the end, and without it, none of these things are possible.

In fact, Scripture elaborates on that precise idea in one of the most-read passages of all time, where it says,

If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love,
I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate.
If I speak God’s Word with power, revealing all his mysteries
and making everything plain as day,
and if I have faith that says to a mountain, “Jump,” and it jumps, but I don’t love, I’m nothing.
If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr,
but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere.
So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do,
I’m bankrupt without love.
Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

Unless I start and end with love, there’s no way to add patience or joy or self-control to my life, at least not in a genuine way. I deeply desire to be kind and gentle and gracious, but the way that I most want to “make that happen” is by my own white-knuckled, breath-holding efforts. And yet, one of the most consistently challenging and humbling truths about following God is how He constantly whispers to me and all my hard work, “Be still, sweetheart. I don’t need your striving.”

My necessary foundation for love, the way that God commands it, is enough humility to recognize how little I bring to the table with my efforts. And then, it is to admit my neediness and desperate dependence on God constantly and to listen to how He leads me to love people in patience, kindness, goodness, and gentleness. It’s an incredibly counter-intuitive process and it keeps me on my toes, and humbled on my knees. It’s so different from how I think things “should be done” that it just must be right.

This isn’t a very comprehensive post, I realize. Love is so very different than I thought it was, and romantic love is a whole other ballgame that I can’t even get into. But I really believe the words of that passage, and that’s what I will end with today:


No matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, 

I’m bankrupt without love.

Fruit of the Spirit – KINDNESS (Guest Post)

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fruit-of-the-spirit

This week’s post comes from my very kind friend Emmy…

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Kindness.

Kindness. At some point in our lives most of us were taught that we need to be kind to those around us, and maybe we would argue that most of the time we stay true to this expectation. Oh, well I always let one car (and some days even two!) in front of me as they merge onto the 405 during rush hour traffic. I bought my friend a drink when she forgot her wallet at home. I try to be encouraging when my friends are feeling down. So, if it’s a reasonable argument that I’m a pretty nice person most of the time,

What’s the big deal with kindness?

Why is it a fruit of the Spirit?

Although the above examples are all nice things to do, I invite you to consider that there is a depth to kindness that extends beyond niceness. Nice denotes being agreeable, likeable, and good-natured, while kindness is connected to tender-heartedness, generosity, and friendliness. Do you see the subtle difference here? Being nice is in the surface level of relationships, but I would argue that true kindness requires us to draw from the depths of our heart. Now, in a world where everything is going our way, every person understands and loves us, and we likewise perfectly connect with those around us, kindness seems like a simple virtue to live out.

However, you and I both know that our communal and personal worlds are often far from that picture of reality. Our relationships and lives are messy. Very messy. He broke his word and caused me pain. She ditched me for them, even after she promised she wouldn’t. They weren’t there when I needed them to be. If we’re honest, our heart’s first inclination is the farthest thing from kind or love when we’ve been wronged, disappointed, or hurt. How could they do that? What kind of person would say that? All of a sudden, that “kind” heart isn’t so kind. Kindness and love seem unfulfilling, illogical, and counterintuitive in the midst of these moments and the heavy feelings they surface.

So, what’s the big deal with kindness?

The Christian call to kindness, as a manifestation of God’s love (1 Corinthians 13:4), extends to all people, even if they have wronged, disappointed, or hurt us. In the Sermon on the Mount (check out Matthew 5:43-48), Jesus says that anyone can love someone who loves them back, but then challenges his audience by saying that living out his love also means loving our enemies. Jesus argues that as his disciples we are to love those who are against us, those who have caused us pain, those who have wounded us. How can we show kindness that isn’t just an act or facade but is truly kindness from love?

In the midst of our pain, this is a tough calling.

But, our Lord has not left us alone in living out this call.

Not only did Jesus show the ultimate act of love to humanity by suffering on the cross and experience the pain that comes with sacrificial love, but He also didn’t leave us to fend for ourselves in this world.  Jesus graciously sent the Holy Spirit to live within us as our counselor, comforter, and helper. As we lean into the Spirit and pursue God’s love, the Lord will transform our hearts and the once hard ground of our hearts will become the soil where He grows His fruit in our lives. The ground of our hearts will continually need to be tilled, worked, watered, and weeded, but He is faithful to bring life that bears fruit. Kindness will grow in us as a manifestation of HIS goodness and love at work in us.

May He do a miraculous work in our hearts and cause the fruit of the Spirit to be abundant within us as a witness of His redemptive love in our lives and for His glory.

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emminizer

Emmy Emminizer is a free spirit at heart who is passionate about deep friendships, building community, mentoring, disengaging apathy, and learning what is means to be a disciple of Jesus. You could often find her enjoying the sunshine on a trail run or at the beach, grabbing a cup of coffee with a friend, or curled up on the couch reading a good book. She is a RN and grad student at Princeton Theological Seminary.

Fruit of the Spirit – GOODNESS (Guest Post)

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fruit-of-the-spirit

This week’s post comes from my sensational friend Lisa. Can’t wait for you to read it!

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goodness

noun good·ness \ˈgu̇d-nəs\

The quality or state of being good
The nutritious, flavorful or beneficial part of something

 

When my dear friend Sarah asked me to write this guest blog post, I was both honored and slightly terrified. I enjoy writing and used to do so regularly, be it in my journal or college papers (the later being much less enjoyable). But now, it feels like it’s been ages since I’ve written anything more than a couple notes during a sermon or a shopping list for Target (and let’s be honest – who ever sticks to their list while shopping at Target?!). But when God presents an opportunity today, I try to do my best to say yes. The more uncomfortable it makes me feel, the more I probably need to do it. So, it’s time to dust off the old laptop and share some humble thoughts on goodness as a fruit of the spirit.

When I first hear the word goodness, thoughts of performance come to mind. I love “being good” and doing “good things”, and spent much of my life trying to live up to my own standards of what this meant. Whether it was trying to be a good daughter, sister, student, teammate, friend, or Christian – I wanted to be a good one. In doing so, I did many things that I thought would make me a good person…I went to church multiple times a week, always did my homework and showed up to sports practice, served in a church ministry, and hung out with the “right” friends. In college I went on several overseas mission trips, was active in student life and all in all did all the “right” things, trying hard to never break rules and be seen as “bad”.

However now, looking back after what seems like a lifetime of experiences these last few years, I can see that although I certainly did those things with God’s love in mind, I know that deep down there were a couple hidden beliefs. So long as I keep being a good person: 1) others would see me in a good light and I would earn their love and praise and 2) God would surely love me – which at the time, meant that He would protect me from unbearable pain and harm.

Wasn’t God proud of all the things I was doing for Him? Surely that is why He loves me, because of MY goodness. And because of this, God was good to me. Faulty theology that it was, I unknowingly carried this with me through my teenage and early adulthood years before events happened that made me question everything.

Towards the end of my senior year in college (APU shout out!), this belief slowly began to crumble. Suddenly, I felt the choices I was making in my life weren’t fitting so neatly into my tidy little “good” box. If I wasn’t good, I had to be bad…and if I was bad, would God still love me? As a couple more years unfolded, my faulty perception of God (and myself) started crumbling even quicker than I could keep up with, and before I knew it I was in an avalanche of doubt, confusion, anger and pain. Within a year or so my older brother died of an overdose, my battle with depression intensified and I was starting to numb myself dangerously with alcohol. Where was God now? How could I believe that He loved me…I was so far away from doing any kind of good deeds, and a heartbreaking tragedy had just turned my life completely upside down.

I was hurt, I believed I hurt God, and when I looked around, there was no goodness to be found.

Coming out of this spiritual desert of shame and doubt didn’t happen overnight. I had to stop labeling things as strictly good or bad, black or white. Polarized thinking like this limits the love and grace of a big, big God. What if there’s a gray area that I overlook when trying so hard to perform my way into being a good person? God doesn’t see me as simply good or bad. He sees me as HIS. There is grace in the gray area.

The past few years have been those of healing…and pain, and still yet more healing. I know now more about what real goodness is, but also what it is not. It’s not performing holy deeds to boost my moral character. It’s not being an A+ student, an upstanding employee, or a church member with perfect attendance. I have also learned that proof of God’s goodness is not measured by what He allows to happen in my life.

Goodness is God. God IS goodness. He can’t be anything but good – and I can’t do any good without Him. If I do something kind with any kind of selfish motivation behind it, this isn’t the pure form of goodness that comes from Christ.

A fruit of the spirit is a positive quality that comes as a byproduct from intimately seeking a loving God. To this extent, as I strive towards knowing God, goodness will flow from Him into me. And this isn’t the gold medal, employee of the month, homecoming queen kind of good – this is the real, unconditionally loving, truth-telling, and self-sacrificing kind of goodness.

For me today, knowing and loving God looks a lot like being in service to others, and it is the goodness of God that inspires me to do so. When I spend time allowing God to fill up my life through spiritual disciplines such as prayer and studying His word, His Spirit enters my life in a way that beckons me to give it away to others. This can look like so many things…such as taking that 3am call from a friend who is in a particularly painful season, sitting with someone as they nervously shake during their first self-help meeting or simply smiling and saying “hello” to a stranger we pass on the street, just so they know that they are seen.

We can’t muster up this kind of self-sacrificing goodness ourselves (trust me, I’ve tried)…it has to come from the source of all Goodness – Christ Himself. And He is always willing to give – and that, is good.

lisa

Lisa is an APU graduate and currently resides Rocklin, her hometown in Northern CA. She is passionate about her work in the mental health field, will eat almost anything as long as there is peanut butter on it, and can put up a fierce debate about why cats are better than dogs. She is a big believer in the healing power of vulnerability – and the community that can be found by allowing others to see us as the beautiful messes that we are.

Fruit of the Spirit – JOY (Guest Post)

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This one comes from my beloved friend, April!

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John 15: 9–11 (MSG)

“I’ve loved you the way my Father has loved me. Make yourselves at home in my love. If you keep my commands, you’ll remain intimately at home in my love. That’s what I’ve done—kept my Father’s commands and made myself at home in his love. I’ve told you these things for a purpose: that my joy might be your joy, and your joy wholly mature.”

 

When Sarah asked me which fruit of the Spirit I’d like to write about for this post, joy instantly echoed in my mind. Then I laughed. You know nothing about joy, April, I told myself. You basically hate joy.

 

Yeah. I have problems. Really, though, joy always seems to elude me. A luxury, an illusion, a mythical part of life that only exists for Disney princesses and those forever-perky people you want to punch in the throat. It’s probably obvious then that the prompting to write about this came from the Holy Spirit and not my own heart that’s two sizes too small…

 

Since I was little, I’ve battled depression that comes and goes in waves, often tidal-sized. Combined with anxiety and AD/HD, my struggle with mental health is as much a part of me as my own arms and legs.

 

So when I read passages like John 15, I start feeling a little itchy. It’s uncomfortable to think that if I simply practiced obedience and love, I would have joy. I TRY that, and I still never feel happy! So I breeze right through those verses, thinking that while the idea sounds nice, it’s not really possible for me.

 

It feels shameful to admit that I have to practice joy. That my default is criticalness, worry, stress. That my personality tends toward sadness. But God put me together, purposefully, piece by piece. And he created me knowing that joy is possible for my life. So I’m trying to place the shame at the Lord’s feet, and accept that my struggle might look different from other people’s. Only then can I begin to lean in to how he wants to grow me and to even see the strengths of these aspects of my personality.

 

I hate to say it, but gratefulness is a great place to start to create a rhythm of joy. For me, it goes even a step further. When I actually remember to practice gratefulness, I still have this underlying, gnawing feeling that I’m overlooking the problems that need fixing, the ways I’m falling short, the VALID and IMPORTANT expectations that are going unmet. This is actually an issue of trust, I think. I don’t trust that God knows best. I don’t trust that he’s in control, and that I’m not in charge of fixing everything. That it is simply GOOD ENOUGH. My worry and fear quickly edge out any possibility of joy.

 

Only when I’ve learned to abide in the peace that God is in control, that he knows what he’s doing, can I find joy through the everyday and even the tragedy. I’m not saying that faith can be swallowed in daily doses as an antidote to my pain or depression. I can’t escape feeling sad, frustrated, or broken—trust me, I’ve tried. Crappy stuff won’t stop happening as long as I’m on this earth. But can I still choose to trust the nature of God’s goodness in spite of it? Will I cultivate a joy that is not extinguished or even affected by a painful season or a difficult circumstance?

 

Jesus asks us to actively choose joy alongside our normal human emotions and failings. Maybe not in every single moment, but as an overall life choice to rest simply in the love of the Father, the presence of the Holy Spirit, and the sacrifice of a Savior who laid down his very human life that we might have joy.

 

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April Carson is a writer, editor, and, most importantly, a board game enthusiast. Residing in Pasadena with her husband, she works full time at Azusa Pacific University and moonlights as a freelance editor and a poet. The best things in life, in her opinion, are books, music, wine, and friends who know the true extent of your weirdness and still love you anyway.

Fruit of the Spirit – FAITHFULNESS (Guest Post)

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This one comes from my best friend, Ashley!

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I started this post the day Sarah asked me to write for her blog. The process of writing about something God is teaching you is one of the ways I’ve connected with Him so closely in the past and I was excited to make sense of the messiness and pain I was feeling during this season. I wrote part of the post and set it up to add to as I continued to learn and hear from Him this month. The thing is, that post has disappeared from my Google Drive. And despite several detailed searches, I was not able to recover it. So, for me this makes what’s to come exactly what He wanted me to process tonight and share with you this week.

faith¡ful¡ness: 

ˈfāTHfəlnəs/

noun

The quality of being faithful
faith¡ful

ˈfāTHfəl

adjective

Thorough in the performance of duty; steady in allegiance or affection; implies qualities of stability, dependability, and long-continued devotion.

The day after I started writing the initial post and asked God to make His faithfulness visible in my life, memories of feeling shattered in different seasons were summoned. I began to have conversations with Him about deep longings He’s met and ways that I’ve been so specifically crafted as a result of past loss, grief, and betrayal. It was as if He gave me a glimpse of some of the eternal reasons behind those past battle scars and while my situations did not change, I was left with so much trust for the future. It was a treasured and long anticipated moment between us as this is what I had begged of Him years ago in anger and pain.

During one of my counseling sessions this month my counselor gave me the image of the backside of a tapestry quilt as a metaphor for what this side of eternity looks like.

It’s messy on the backside of quilts–there’s thread and stitches made with no regard to appearance or organization. That’s how this side of eternity can feel. It’s not until the veil is lifted and we see the details and intentionality that went into each stitch can we begin to comprehend the pain and the “but why God” we are left with on this side of eternity.

While I hadn’t heard the metaphor before, the concept was not new. However, the comfort from it was. There was something about it that was so uniquely comforting. To the point where I needed to know why. What did I hear from that? Nothing about my life had changed yet I was so comforted by this comparison.

It was the idea that God has a plan.

I am such a planner–to a “fault.” And right now I feel like I’m learning that plans fall apart. Our worlds shatter. And it’s okay. Because God is in control. Not because He’s taken over control because we messed up or can no longer handle it, but because He was always in control. In a season that I would classify as a fear of shattered dreams, God was reminding me that He has a plan and that it was never my plan to begin with. And the story of His faithfulness in my life goes back long before the pieces that have begun to weave together this season. It goes back before I can even conceptualize.

Biblical inerrancy is what it comes down to for me, which for me in this season is essentially, “what if everything I have read and been told about God was true.” What if I took the 277 accounts in the Bible of covenants between God and His people each as Truth. What if I took them each as a promise of His own faithfulness to me. And then what if I held onto those promises during times of fear and doubt.

The truth is that Fruits of the Spirit are brutal. The good stuff comes through the blood, sweat, and tears. And the funny thing is everyone hates on patience. You always hear, “never pray for patience.” But it’s faithfulness that’s the life shattering fruit. But the good kind of shattering. The kind of shattering that has to happen before deep healing takes place and God begins to piece together your life so that His plan for you can come into fruition.

I stopped at a fruit stand in the outskirts of Monterey yesterday and came to the conclusion that for me God’s faithfulness is kind of like a pomegranate where the fruit is made up of 600+ seeds that are also the fruit and each have a greater purpose. While the process of understanding God’s faithfulness in your life and reciprocating that faithfulness despite the hardships in each season is brutal, what he produces through our brokenness and shortcomings is so life giving when lived out and shared with others.

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Ashley Hamilton is a Writing professor whose co-workers are 100+ 18-21 year olds and it’s a constant love-hate battle between them and her. She copes with life through story telling and dreams of being a “stay at home professor”. She’s also an ISTJ and Myers Briggs enthusiast, and is passionate about helping others identify the lies of the enemy and coming alongside and encouraging others to endure the race.

Fruit of the Spirit – PATIENCE (Guest Post)

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fruit-of-the-spirit

Today’s post comes to you from my friend Kristine!

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“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to learn to love the questions themselves.”
– Rainer Maria Rilke

If there is one fruit of the Spirit that I’d like to officially be through learning about in my life, it’s patience.

Patience is that consistent voice of tough love that says:

“I know all of this desire, longing and aching is hard but stay diligent and uncompromised. I know you can’t see the end goal right now and you are trying to discern if the struggle is worth it. Keep praying and remain hopeful. I know you imagined life would be different, but the story is not over. Continue dreaming and forging on.”

It seems that in every possible area of my life the Lord is requiring patience. Patience in my singleness. Patience in my career goals. Patience in my ministry of racial reconciliation.

At times, this perpetual challenging of what I think I need or deserve or have earned moves me to a place of discouragement. My thoughts turn inward and I question whether I have been faithful enough or have sacrificed enough to receive what I believe will bring me joy and fulfillment. I often use past seasons of waiting to justify that I have “put in my time.” Clearly, this is skewed logic that is predicated on my human understanding of time and a misguided expectation that works will merit favor.

One idea that has liberated me lately from a negative association with the virtue of patience is that it doesn’t necessarily mean waiting. It means that I reorient my priorities around my current reality. That I give my heart to the relationships, actions and service that have been divinely placed in my life and commit to being faithful in the moment. It doesn’t mean I sacrifice my dreams but that I focus on the one’s that are plausible given my circumstances while loosening my grasp on those that are still out of reach.

Patience also means that I come to a place of accepting my reality while holding the very real tension that I am also still yearning for more. It is so important that we begin to normalize that in our spiritual lives. It is okay to have longing. After all, we are to long and thirst for the Lord so naturally our hearts were designed to function that way. We must be mindful; however, that the longing doesn’t take precedence over God’s present will for our lives. I believe that is when we are most tempted to take matters into our own hands or grow bitter under the illusion that God owes us something.

“Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” – Galatian 6: 8 – 9

I will be the first to acknowledge though that knowing all of this doesn’t always make it easier to be patient, but it does inspire motivation to keep trying to embody this fruit of the spirit. Inevitably, when I do not have that which I want I become more introspective about my journey. I am more aware of how my humanity functions on an eternal timeline and that brings me to a place of humility and gratitude. I may not know why a certain desire or accomplishment has not manifested, but in my exploration of a perceived lack I discover more about my heart and how it moves me forward in this life regardless.

I am also granted spiritual vision through the process of enduring. I recognize that the divine plan for my life is only fully known by the one who breathed me into being. He is the author. He determines my steps. His plan is infinitely better than mine. Patience is resting in the knowledge that the God of the universe has good plans for me and I will experience them in the appointed time and in the appointed way. What a wonderful reassurance that I can anticipate blessing both in the present and the future even as I hold questions in my heart.

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Kristine is a deep feeler and lover who writes to pursue self-discovery and advocate for justice through poetry, blogging and research. She believes that listening to and valuing others’ stories transforms the way we experience God and commune with the body of Christ. Her professional home is in the field of higher education, but she also gives time and energy to collaborating with her church’s racial reconciliation center. An old soul, her ideal day is spent diving deep into heart matters with a friend or reading at one of her favorite local coffee shops. You can find more of her voice at https://heartscribblesblog.wordpress.com.

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Fruit of the Spirit – SELF-CONTROL

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Self-control is an enviable skill in our society – one we assume makes it possible to do things like work out enough and avoid junk food.

For me, self-control as a fruit of the spirit looks more like control over my responses and my words, and that seems even harder than getting up early to go for a run (which I should have done today, as well).

In fact, the dictionary defines self control as “the ability to control oneself, in particular one’s emotions and desires or the expression of them in one’s behavior, especially in difficult situations,” and “restraint exercised over one’s own impulses, emotions, or desire,” and “command or mastery over, or possession of, one’s own behavior.”

I learned an important distinction about this concept recently. As a perfectionist and an achiever, I do set goals and work for them purposefully. However, I used to see self-control as a sort of muzzle that kept me from saying or doing things that were “wrong” or that people wouldn’t approve of. The more I read scripture, though, the more I read about self-control as a muscle that we build and flex in situations where we need to practice wisdom and restraint over and over again.

Basically, everything in our social sphere this week is about practicing self-control, and it is difficult! Like gentleness, self-control comes from a place of strength rather than weakness. And it all comes back to what we believe.

If I believe that the world needs me and my opinion, then I make decisions to share based on that.

If I believe that the world needs more listeners, then I make decisions not to share based on that.

If I believe that life is about what I can get for myself now, then I make decisions to seek pleasure and satisfaction based on that.

If I believe that life is about an eternal perspective, then I make decisions to say “no” (even to myself), and practice self-control based on that.

I want to exercise the muscle of self-control in my relationships and conversations, and that requires continued humility to practice restraint, and continued strength to practice empathy.

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In addition, as we learn about the other fruits of the spirit, we recognize that they all require self-control! I’m having some friends join me on the blog in the coming weeks to chat about patience, faithfulness, and joy. Tune in next week for the first one! 🙂

“…make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love.” (2 Peter 1:5-7)

 

 

 

 

Fruit of the Spirit – GENTLENESS

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Gentleness is defined as a way to respond “kindly; amiably, not severe, rough, or violent; mild”. 

It’s one of those qualities that in the past I’ve continuously overlooked. In the last two years, though, I have realized that it is of the utmost importance to me in my life and in the lives of those I want to be close to.

This is partially due to my own sensitivity. I’m a deeply feeling person, and with that gift comes the burden of being easily hurt when those I am vulnerable with aren’t gentle with my fragile soul and undefended feelings.

Gentleness tells me that person is safe.

Contrary to some beliefs, gentleness is not weakness. It’s strength shown through restraint. To me, gentleness is a perfect combination of love and patience. It’s something that can only be offered intentionally and from a place of abundance. It’s the freedom to not need to force our way in life, says the Message Bible translation.

Roger White wrote that “The opposite of gentleness is harshness. Gentleness involves curbing one’s strength for the benefit of others.  Yet the spiritual fruit of gentleness involves more than moderating physical force; it includes not overpowering others verbally, emotionally, psychologically, intellectually, or spiritually.”

It’s so much easier to be harsh, to say what you I to say or do what I want to do at the pace and timbre that works best for me at the time.  And yet, we are called to live differently, I believe. In the book of James, it says, “Real wisdom, God’s wisdom, begins with a holy life and is characterized by getting along with others. It is gentle and reasonable, overflowing with mercy and blessings, not hot one day and cold the next, not two-faced.”

I so deeply want to be a gentle person. And, the people I most want to learn from and emulate are gentle people, especially with their words. They teach me to how have self-control, patience, and to practice wisdom by listening and yielding attention to others.

We chatted about the idea of gentleness in a group last week, and it was interesting to hear how many people were uncomfortable with the idea of gentleness. Some thought it was unfamiliar, and that made it scary. Others didn’t see its value because gentleness doesn’t equal results the way discipline does. While there are balances, both/ands, to so much in life, the gentleness that comes out of us when we spend time with God is unmistakable. And that’s what we are going for.

“There’s nothing better than being wise, knowing how to interpret the meaning of life. Wisdom puts light in the eyes, and gives gentleness to words and manners.” (Ecclesiastes 8:1, MSG) 

I want that wisdom, that is quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. I want the light in my eyes that comes from hope in something so much bigger than myself, and the gentleness in my words and manners that comes from submitting myself to someone greater than I.

Our pastor preached about the power of words this past weekend, and challenged us to avoid unkind words to and about anyone, and does a phenomenal job expressing how sad it is that so few people would be willing to try that for a week, or even a day. Check out his message here:

May you be blessed today with gentleness in word and deed, and may you receive the gentle and inviting love of God in a way you never have before.

 

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